Some days I don't work.
As a result, nothing of the dozen projects I need to finish (or start) get done.
Other days, I work.
But the result is that none of the dozen projects I need to finish (or start) get done.
Work, don't work. It all ends the same.
I've been trying to figure out why nothing seems to get done no matter how much or how little I work and I have no answers. I do know that my brain is a mess -- I can barely string more than a few sentences of a thought together before it starts to break down. I try repeatedly to summon up something of the ideas I've been pondering for years to put them to page and all I get are fragments.
I am surrounded by the fragments of my projects -- piles of unread or half read scholarship and primary sources, partially written chapters and other documents, partially translated texts, unfinished windows in the kitchen, unfinished ceilings, unstained stairs I ripped the carpet off 3 years ago, half painted walls in the entry of the house, a light fixture unboxed but sitting in pieces. I hardly even notice that one anymore.
Part of the issue lies, of course, with the ADHD and the difficulties of keeping myself on task --except when I hyperfocus, though what I hyperfocus on is not really within my control. My list of active symptoms is long:
missing details and becoming distracted easily
trouble focusing on the task at hand
becoming bored quickly
becoming confused easily or daydreaming frequently
seeming not to listen when spoken to directly
having difficulty following through on tasks or assignments
losing or forgetting things or events
fidgeting or squirming
saying inappropriate things without thinking
being impatient or rude
interrupting or butting into other peoples’ conversations
having difficulty waiting your turn